We can choose how we respond to fear

Last updated on January 12, 2024

Today I intended to write about cafes, dolphins or rainbows.

But a line in this morning’s news has infuriated me, and there’s no choice but to talk about terror.

Of course, even before this particular line, my mind was filled with the recent atrocities – from Belgium to Turkey to Pakistan, our world is being rocked by the darkest of human nature. It’s easy to look upon it all and think with fear “what is the world coming to?”

I know I’ve felt that fear. In the days following the attacks in Paris, I sat on the tube in London hyperaware of my surroundings, with the whisper of “what if?” in my ear. I fantasised about moving to the middle of nowhere and finding somewhere “safe” to live in peace. But where would that lead to? Life, by its nature, is never entirely safe.

Unreasonable advice

This morning, I read some words by John Kerry, the USA’s Secretary of State. He said:

“People do not have to live in fear, but it doesn’t mean you should be oblivious to your surroundings. It’s really a matter of common sense. It means avoid a crowded place where you have no control over who may be there. Have a sense of vigilance to watch who’s around you.”

This is what made me cross. Avoid a crowded place where you have no control over who may be there? He may as well be saying don’t go outside or we need to avoid the whole Earth. We live on a crowded planet and we have no control over who may be here. Violence happens the world over – from terror attacks to burglaries to murders to rape –and these things happen both in crowded places and in people’s own homes. Humans are complicated and sometimes unpredictable; bad things will always happen wherever you are in the world. And that’s not to mention natural disasters or illness; the world is filled with potential for fear.

The ways we respond to fear

Thoughts like this could drive you crazy and the media feeds our capacity for fear; words of war, disaster and crime are the stories that fill our news. But no matter how often we call for positive stories, it’s the frightening ones that grab our attention and the media will always publish whatever sells. It’s up to us how we respond.

I think fear will stir in all of us when we read a story that has room for the thought “that could happen to me”. It’s why the terror attacks close to home are the ones that scare us the most. We may be appalled and outraged at events far away, but those on our doorstep are the ones that worry us. Some people are able to see that fear rise and let it go almost as soon as they see it appear. Others become tormented by anger and lash out for someone to blame. There are people – reporters and humanitarians – who run toward the fear. And others who flee from it, acting on that wish for someplace “safe” and going to great lengths to try and secure it.

I remember my time in Vilcabamba, a place hailed as “the last safe place on Earth”. The town is filled with a community of expats motivated by fear and concerned about a coming apocalypse. Conspiracy theories abound and there are even people who won’t speak to you if you have metal fillings in your teeth. On the other end of the spectrum, there is Lydia Cacho, a Mexican investigative journalist whom I once interviewed. She uncovers and fights corruption in ways that repeatedly put her life in danger; she is continually confronting fear.

Life is to be lived

I think safety is something we wish for but will not find. We can run as far as we like, but there will always be something to feed our fear. We have to learn to face it and not let it govern our lives. Death is an inevitability and we have no idea how it will come. We can spend our lives trying to avoid it or we can spend our lives enjoying what we have. The world is sometimes frightening, but it’s also rich in beauty, compassion and love. There are, of course, situations we need to avoid – places of war and ongoing violence – but “crowded places where you have no control over who may be there” cannot be added to that list. If we lock ourselves away trying to to hide from it, we’ll miss out on the very life we’re trying to preserve.

I also recommend reading these excellent articles by Jodi and Brenna, two my favourite bloggers.

People are good
Don’t stop traveling because of fear

And this powerful video by Ivory Coast artists singing a song called Meme Pas Peur (Not Even Scared) on the same beach where terrorist gunmen killed 19 people and wounded dozens more.